Posted by Mr. Longmire on Oct 26, 2009 in Entertainment, Movies

I saw Zombieland at the movies this evening. It’s been out almost a month, and this was Monday, so as it turned out I was the only one in the theater. And, I had to silence my cell phone so I wouldn’t disturb myself.

Anyhoo, like Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland is a fun zombie movie and I really liked it, especially its likable characters… namely, Woody Harrelson’s character. I also liked the use of super slow motion and credit graphics at the start.

Movies that deal with surviving the end of human civilization, like The Omega Man, 28 Weeks Later, etc., have always appealed to me. I think I like this theme probably because of the population drop, the total freedom and lack of rules, and access to places and possessions usually unattainable in normal life. But, the downside is the eventual scarcity of food and power… and, of course, the constant threat of zombies. It’s a nice fantasy, though.


In praise of the handicapped stall…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Sep 11, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time, Excellent Ideas, Uncategorized

I like using the handicapped stall in the restroom at work. It’s nice and roomy. I have this little cart that I wheel into the stall that contains all the supplies I need during restroom time such as: a little lap desk to place my lunch on, a heated footrest, a padded back rest with arms complete with cup holders, cappuccino maker, toaster oven, a cot to nap on, dartboard, a podium to practice my public speaking, TV set with built-in DVD player, various lotions and reading material… and of course, my imported toilet tissues. Sometimes my Spanish language instructor accompanies me.

I like to be comfortable and not rushed so that I am completely ready when The Moment arrives. My Spanish teacher is somewhat helpful during this event, but I don’t always understand her commands when she yells, “Empujar, gringo, empuje!” However, she is GREAT to work with afterward… so gentle… a real pro.

Anyhoo, I encourage you to explore the magic of a handicapped stall near you, whether it be at your office, church, or school. Trust me, when done right, it’s an experience you will never forget.


A parent’s worst nightmare…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Sep 9, 2009 in Gripes, In the News

Yesterday, our Muslim presidente’ had the nerve to actually speak to our American… AMERICAN… school children and corrupt their young souls with talk of “studying hard,” “staying in school,” “never giving up,” and other piles of verbal garbage. The infidel even told our precious children that the country needs their help and he was counting on them. Well, hahahahahahahahaha, we know what he REALLY is up to… HE WANTS TO ROUND UP ALL OUR CHILDREN AND EAT THEM TO SATISFY HIS CANNIBALISTIC HUNGER. HE WANTS TO DEEP FRY THEIR LITTLE BODIES AND DIP THEM IN HIS SPECIAL SOCIALIST SAUCE. I’VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, MR. BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, I WILL SEE TO IT THAT MY CHILDREN NEVER EXCEL AT ANYTHING JUST TO FOIL YOUR PLANS. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. I WIN.

Come out, come out, little ones, wherever you are...

Come out, come out, little ones, wherever you are...


You might want to skip reading this…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Aug 24, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time

Today, a coworker fell ill and threw up the head of a large praying mantis. We all asked him why he ate a praying mantis head and he replied, “You’re supposed to rip the head off and eat it after mating!”


Recently overheard…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Aug 22, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time, Out and about

At work, as I was getting off the elevator I overheard this part of a conversation: “…so I took that one off and bought me a bigger one.”

At a diner during lunch last week, a waitress brought a plate of food to a couple of old ladies at the table behind me. Waitress: “Who got the beets?” Old lady: “She got the beets.” And I had to reply to my lunch companion: “She got the beets, she got the beets, YEAH, she got the beets!”

At a red light in Nashville last night, a couple of old black men were talking: “… and she’s got knots all over her face and still has those buck teeth…”


Six times your pleasure…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Aug 3, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time, Excellent Ideas

Six of me. Hanging out. Deal with it, people…



Sea Skank

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Jul 18, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time, Music, Travel

I really hate to unleash this on the public, but my friends have been urging me to do so for a few months. This video was taken on a Carnival cruise to Key West and the Bahamas that I and my girlfriend took in April 2008. This always-intoxicated couple in this video was very popular with the security force on the ship for several domestic disturbances and, unfortunately, their cabin was just a few doors down from ours, so we got to witness some wild stuff. Notice the guy’s face in the video when he realizes he is being filmed. Also notice, if you can, bruises on her right arm… I’m guessing from a fight.


Fun with video editing

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Jul 17, 2009 in Entertainment, Movies

Recently I had a little fun with replacing some music in a clip from “To Sir With Love.” This is a great scene to use for doing just that. Enjoy…



What a waste of video…and your precious time.

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Jul 5, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time

This clip is from about a year ago when I was trying out the snapshot feature on a new camcorder. I don’t know why I posted this really. It has no purpose. I’m sorry.



Posted by Mr. Longmire on Jun 23, 2009 in Gripes

Wow, I never realized when I started this Wordpress blog how much spam it would attract. How do they find me? Has anyone out there ever… EVER… bought anything, or even visited a website, as a direct result of receiving a spam e-mail? I know most spam is automatically generated, but damn. I guess there is SOME return on it from people out there.

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