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The Missing Elvi

Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 1994 9:58 AM
From: Mark
To: Kellie
Subject: Missing Articles

Mark: Kellie,

It was nice meeting you yesterday. It was a nice surprise for you and Cindy to stop by and say hello. But, and I am reluctant to bring this up, since your visit I have noticed that two of my Elvis figurines (the Viva Las Vegas and Jailhouse Rock ones) are missing. now, I am not accusing you of taking them, but it is pretty odd that I have had them in my office undisturbed for 17 years and the day you come by they end up gone. I have known Cindy for a while and I know that she didn't take them because she knows how precious they are to me. All I am asking is that they be returned WITH THEIR DISPLAY PEDESTALS and no further questions will be asked and there will be no hard feelings.

- Mark L.


Kellie: Mark,

I'm embarrassed to say that, yes, I took your sacred figures. I just could not resist them!!!! I placed one (the Viva Las Vegas) by my bed and dreamed about Elvis all night. I will return it as soon as possible. As for the other one, you will have to talk to your long time friend Cindy. It was actually her idea to take them. Under a great amount of peer pressure and my true longing for the figure, I broke down. Sorry.


Mark: Thanks for your honesty, Kellie. Now, don't you feel better? Since I feel that your apology is so sincere and heartfelt, I will let you keep Viva Las Vegas Elvis for one more night. I can understand your temptation to take The King. There's just something about Elvis, wouldn't you agree?

As for Cindy, my EX-longtime friend, I will deal with her later. I would suggest that you not hang around her any more. I feel that she is a bad influence on you as she has already demonstrated. The next thing you know, you will be dying your hair blonde and laughing uncontrollably at the top of your lungs.

Next time you come by my office, keep your hands where I can see them. I will be watching you.

Thank you for your time and attention.

- Mark L.


Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 1994 1:10 PM
From: Mark
To: Cindy
Subject: I want it back

Mark: I want my Elvis figurine back and don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about. Kellie has already confessed to her part and has ratted on you, chump. So hand it over...NOW!


Sent: Thursday, February 17, 1994 9:10 AM
From: Mark
To: Kellie
Subject: Nice going

Mark: Kellie,

Sorry to interrupt your nap, but I just read today's Newsline and noticed in the Not Strictly Business section that there was an ad selling a Viva Las Vegas Elvis figure w/display pedestal and the number to reply to was YOURS. I am totally shocked that you would do this, especially after your "sincere" apology yesterday. I have given up any little hope that I had left in recovering my Elvis treasures. Cindy won't return my phone calls or mail messages. I hope the money you receive from the sale of my Elvis (plus the fact that you have ruined my life) makes you happy and very satisfied. I would aslo like you to know that the Elvis was bequeathed to me by my late grandfather as he lay on his second deathbed (the date of his first deathbed was postponed one week when he noticed that it fell on his bowling night).

The sad part about all of this is that I believed in you. The King would truly be ashamed of you.

I'll see you at the hearing next week.

- Mark


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