Deep Thoughts, Questions, and Ideas

Well, I can now say that I've actually seen a wild goose chase.

Just outside my window at work is a open grassy area that has a pond. Canadian geese frequent the place quite often. Today, there was a goose with an injured wing. A coworker of mine called some bird expert woman that came over and I watched her and other coworkers chase the goose around the pond grounds for twenty minutes before catching it to inspect its injury.

I thought that the bird expert was going to take it somewhere to fix its wing, but she surprised everyone when she immediately sunk her teeth into its neck.

Damn... geese sure bleed a lot.

At exactly 1:30 EST on November 22, 1963, I, at 4 years of age, became smarter than the then-President of the United States.

During the time of the O.J. Simpson murder trial, I heard the phrase "Save the Juice" and thought it was a motto used to encourage sexual abstinence.

When babies are born, their gender, weight and length, and color of hair and eyes are proudly announced. Why don't we do this at the other end of life... when we die? Example: "Mr. John H. Doe died Thursday after a long illness. He weighed 165 lbs. and measured 71 3/4" long. He had a bushy head of white hair and had blue eyes. He was 869 months old."

Sometimes I lay awake in bed at night, quietly singing the words to "Disco Inferno." On these occasions, I usually end up crying myself to sleep.

Just think, at this moment, giant centuries-old storms are raging on the planet Jupiter, oblivious to our impatience of the slow-moving line at the McDonald's Drive-Thru.

Hey, I'm sorry, everybody, but I don't want to "be like Mike"...unless a cash incentive is involved.

Robert Mitchum died last year. Within a couple of days, Jimmy Stewart died and everyone immediately focused on him, rather than Mitchum, who I considered to be the more interesting actor. I felt sorry for Mitchum. He didn't get a lengthy and proper recognition or tribute because of this. It's kind of like back in the early '80s, when the disease Herpes was publicized, which, at the time, scared the @#%&* out of everyone, only to be followed closely by the discovery and announcment of a worse disease...AIDS. Poor old forgotten Herpes. When I was in high school in the '70s, we were warned of the dangers of Gonnorhea, commonly known as VD... Venereal Disease. When's the last time you ever remember hearing that term? It's an even more distant memory. Here's a scary thought... keeping with this trend, there's probably something on its way that is worse than AIDS. Ouch.

Somewhere, in a parallel universe, on an identical Earth that was spared a giant meteor strike millions of years ago, dinosaurs are driving to work in their cars trying to avoid those bothersome and unsightly human carcasses that litter the roadways.

In a real-life situation, I hope that I never hear the words "Hurry, it's gonna blow!"

I was just wondering... if no one sees a mime fall in a forest, do the trees make a noise?...

I watched some cartoons this weekend with my daughter and have come to suspect that Bugs Bunny is gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that... Bugs constantly flirtatiously dresses in drag and always gives Yosemite Sam or Elmer Fudd huge prolonged kisses directly on the mouth. Watch for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

Why is there braille writing at drive-up ATMs?

I wonder if it's OK to pay for an old Milli Vanilli album with counterfeit money?

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