The (almost) Daily Comment

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Monday, 6/30/03 - It's too bad about Katherine Hepburn... dying in that porch balcony collapse in Chicago this past weekend...

Police reports state that during a beer bust on the third floor of the apartment building, Ms. Hepburn's quavering voice caused the wooden deck's supports to give way.

Hepburn was best known for her role as rescue pilot Al Murdoch in the airliner disaster film Airport 1975. She will be missed.

Speaking of zombies...

I saw 28 Days Later this weekend, and no, it's not the sequel to that Sandra Bullock rehab-romantic comedy 28 Days.

It's a good flick. The best description of it would be a cross between The Omega Man and Night of the Living Dead. It has end-of-the-world elements like OM, but the "family" in 28DL doesn't wear spiffy black robes and RayBans, they don't deliver anti-modernistic-man monologues or operate any fireball catapults... they pretty much just attack and bite like the living dead, only they're not officially living dead. They're just REALLY sick with a virus. But they move a LOT faster... no staggering around in this movie. Lots of blood and violence, but not much gore.

Oh, and Charlton Heston dies at the end.

I would recommend it as either a dollar movie viewing or wait for its video release.

Wednesday, 6/25/03 - I got an answer to my "Are all nurses man-haters?" question from Friday 6/13's post...

Generally, most women who work are man haters. Regardless of what they say, most women are working because their provider failed them. This is only true for 80% of the women working (you'll have to do your own search to source that stat). I've also noted that it's worse in female dominated professions (I think they feed on each other). Also, lower end jobs. These women have no professional skills because they expected to have a provider and had to take an entry level unskilled labor job when their husband ran out on them. Lots of these (unskilled labor) women have absent husbands, so their animosity is understandable and even justified, if not well directed.

I've wisely chosen not to reveal the name of the person that e-mailed this reply to me, for fear that he might be hunted down and killed by wild packs of nurses.

Let's just call him "George."

I came up with a new motto a couple of days ago...

"Never apologize unless it's the only alternative to jail time."

See a preview of the new film 28 Days Later. It looks pretty good and reminds me of The Omega Man. I wonder if Charlton Heston dies at the end of this one? It starts this Friday.

Speaking of movie endings, take a look at this page.

Oh, I almost forgot this one...

ATTENTION YOUNG LADIES: If you're in a motherly way and are wondering what to wear to your prom, take a fashion tip from this home girl...

REMINDER: "Never apologize unless it's the only alternative to jail time."

Tuesday, 6/24/03 - Like most everybody, I get a lot of junk e-mail, but the subject line on one I got today made me almost open it to take a look...

From: Ginger
Subject: Mark, do u want to see Filthy Sluts From Hell ?!!?

And don't you just love spam e-mail sent to you announcing great anti-spam software for your e-mail program?

Monday, 6/23/03 - HULK SMASH YOUR FACE!!!

The Hulk throws one of his famous hissy fits... either that or he's fanning a Hulk-sized fart.

Yesterday, I went and saw the Hulk movie. As I went into the theater, the greasy-headed-geeky-ticket-taker was just a little too enthusiastic...

"HELLO THERE! I'LL TEAR YOUR TICKET FOR YOU! THAT WILL BE THEATER #5, DOWN THE HALL AND TO YOUR LEFT! THANK YOU AND ENJOY THE MOVIE!!!!!!!!!"

THE MOVIE WAS GOOD, AND AT TIMES... OOPS...WAIT A MINUTE... OK, that's better...my caps lock button was stuck. Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh yeah, the movie was great at times but it dragged whenever the science involved was discussed, and the film featured multiple split screen shots that got a little tiresome. Also, there were way too many flashbacks. The most amazing scientific aspect of the film is the Hulk's pants... how they can stretch when Bruce Banner becomes the Hulk and then retain their original size, still fit, and not fall off when Bruce becomes Bruce again.

There was one scene that was unintentionally hilarious... where the villain got blowed up. It was a freeze frame shot that just had to be laughed at. If you've seen it, you know what I mean. If not, look for it. Oh, and the killer French poodle is not to be missed. No, I'm not making that up.

The fight scenes in the desert were OUTSTANDING, especially when "Angry Man" battled some Abrams tanks. The movie ran a little long and the ending was weak and confused me a bit. A better ending would have the Hulk smashing out of the movie screen and into the theater lobby to stomp that annoying ticket-taker.

Monday, 6/16/03 - My friend Brian is selling his bed...

LITTLE TYKES RACE CAR BED 4 SALE!!!

I've outgrown my race car bed, and it's ready for another little boy to use. The front hood on this fast and fun racing "machine" lifts to reveal a roomy storage compartment for toys, games, and pornography. An open-back spoiler makes an ideal shelf for books, a clock radio, or a bong. The bed holds a standard twin mattress. Wooden mattress supports included. The mattress can be set up so that I cannot fall out of bed and hurt my little hairless ass.

This bed lists for $350-375 on the Little Tykes Web site and is a hard-to-find item in retail stores. I have a twin mattress, which was covered in a Star Wars asbestos mattress protector, and bunk bed support board. Other than multiple urine stains, splatters of blood, a small bullet hole (I'm fine now, thank you), and a grease-stained headboard, the bed is in good condition. Asking $200 for all. Contact Brian Hamby at 555-2643 or BDH555@earthlink.net.

Sunday, 6/15/03 - My cat would like to wish your dad a Happy Father's Day!

Saturday, 6/14/03 -

Friday, 6/13/03 - Are all nurses man-haters?

Last night, I went to see about a friend who was in the hospital emergency room after she apparently suffered some "mini" strokes. The nurses were in the process of admitting her for the night and this one ugly little butt-faced (female) nurse told my friend to pick out a 4-digit PIN number to use for her to only give out to those people she would allow to call her or inquire about her.

Anyway, she gave the nurse a number and the nurse said that only she would know the secret number. Then I piped up and said "Well, we know it now, too, because we were standing here and just overheard her tell the number to you." I thought my comment was funny... so did my friend. Not the nurse... no sir. She just stared at me and said "MEN!" and walked off.

I let that one slide. Just 3 minutes later there was a news story on a nearby TV about some soldier who was trying to get numerous women to marry him. Some kind of scam, I suppose... I didn't hear it that well. A different female nurse walked by the TV and, to my amazement, commented loudly, "That's something that a MAN would do!" I heard THAT loud and clear. Well, two in a row like that kind of irked me, so I returned fire and sang out loudly, "Somebody doesn't have a boyfriennnd!!!!!"

Silence.

I got 'em good.

Afterwards I wondered about this man-hating mode with the female nurses. I was there at the hospital for less than 30 minutes and heard two slurs directed toward the male gender in the first ten minutes. Is this related to their occupations, and that they may resent doctors (authority figures) who are mostly male? Who knows?

If you have any theory on this, I would like to know.

One thing for sure, they have some serious issues and I wish those old battle axes the best of luck with finding the right man or battery-operated device in their pursuit of happiness.

Saturday, 6/7/03 - Celine Dion has no soul.

In fact, she is very white. She's so white, she's whiter than white. She's French Canadian white.

I was going to write this piece earlier last week, but I became ill. Some celebrities such as Celine Dion actually make me sick. I watched about 15 minutes worth of her music special, A New Day Has Come, that aired Wednesday night on CBS. I watched long enough to feel lightheaded and get a queasy feeling in my stomach. This happened to me once before, and I should have known better this time.

For one thing, she was wearing a sheer outfit that showed her skinny, spindly legs and knobby knees, as she struck many an unlady-like pose...

During one song, (I forget which one, since all her crap sounds the same) she interjected some dialogue with the audience, pointing at someone and saying "You know what I mean, girlfriend." Now, imagine that phrase being pronounced as white as possible (French Canadian white) and you'll have an idea how it came across.

I hate it when we are constantly reminded by some celebrities of how much they love their children... like because of their fame, unlike us normal folks, they have a superior love for their offspring. Dion delivered a little monologue before one song that went like this, "This world today is such a scary place... I sometimes find comfort by going into my child's room and dismissing the nannies for a few moments so that I may watch him sleep until I've watched enough and then think of something better to do, like meet with my accountants to go over my latest Chrysler contract. But, during those 45 seconds that I do gaze upon the lovely face of my daughter... I mean, son...well, whatever... it gives me hope for the future... for A New Day... HIT IT!".... and then she bursts into yet another one of her unmemorable musical numbers.

One song that struck me as questionable was when she suddenly burst out with a Stevie Wonder hit... "Looking back on when I was a little nappy headed boy..." Uh... Ms. Dion, I don't think this is the song for you... for various and obvious reasons.

Here's another related (almost) Daily Comment entry from Dec. 6, 1999.

Changing the subject slightly, I noticed that Chrysler is using the phrase "Drive & Love" for an advertising slogan. I wouldn't advise doing that... not at the same time.

Friday, 6/6/03 - Man... people sure give you weird looks at Kmart when you put a bag of potato chips in layaway.

Tuesday, 6/3/03 - Typping whiil hancduffeddd is hardrer thham yuoo thnik.

Monday, 6/2/03 - Something Knoxville can be proud of (and I'm not making this one up)...

Nippit In the Bud
According to the Birmingham Business Journal, Knoxville is soon to have a new entry in its long-beleaguered apparel industry. A company called Nippits, Inc., manufactures special adhesive tape that helps fashionable ladies in thin dresses conceal their nipples from unwanted detection. The Nippit» has reportedly already been worn by some of the most fabulously breasted women of Hollywood, including Julia Roberts, Jennifer Lopez, and Angelina Jolie, and by Carrie-Anne Moss in the new sequels to The Matrix. Developer Sheila Johnson, a Birmingham entrepreneur and former model, and her physician husband Kraig Johnson have reportedly bought "manufacturing capacity at a factory in Knoxville, Tenn." They have sold more than 300,000 of the accessories at $5-10 per five-pair pack.