Now they’ve REALLY done it…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Mar 3, 2011 in A Total Waste of Time, In the News, Out and about

Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, has really crossed the line this time, viciously attacking one of our national treasures. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO AMERICA????????

Misguided child holding "God Hates Charlie Sheen" placard.

Misguided child holding "God Hates Charlie Sheen" placard.


The new generation of geniuses…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Feb 1, 2010 in Excellent Ideas, Out and about

A friend passed this story on to me. It’s a true story experienced by a Mr. Steve Hillenbrand of Knoxville.


The $2.00 Bill I Tried to Spend

Everyone should start carrying $2 bills! I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn’t even know they exist.

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: ‘Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.’

Server: ‘That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?’

Me: ‘No, it’s to go.’ At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: ‘Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.’

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: ‘Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?’

Manager : ‘No. A what?’

Server: ‘A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me..’

Manager: ‘Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.’

Server: ‘Yeah, thought so.’ He comes back to me and says, ‘We don’t take these. Do you have anything else?’

Me : ‘Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why?’

Server: ‘I don’t know.’

Me: ‘See here where it says legal tender?’

Server: ‘Yeah.’

Me: ‘So, why won’t you take it?’

Server: ‘Well, hang on a sec.’

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to
him, ‘He says I have to take it…’

Manager: ‘Doesn’t he have anything else?’

Server: ‘Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change

Manager: ‘I’m not opening the safe with him in here.’

Server: ‘What should I do?’

Manager: ‘Tell him to come back later when he has real money.’

Server : ‘I can’t tell him that! You tell him.’

Manager: ‘Just tell him.’

Server: ‘No way! This is weird. I’m going in back.

The manager approaches me and says, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.’

Me: ‘It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.’

Manager: ‘We don’t take those, either.’

Me: ‘Why not?’

Manager: ‘I think you know why..’

Me: ‘No really, tell me why.’

Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’

Me: ‘Excuse me?’

Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’

Me: ‘What on earth for?’

Manager: ‘Please, sir.’

Me: ‘Uh, go ahead, call them.’

Manager: ‘Would you please just leave?’

Me: ‘No.’

Manager: ‘Fine — have it your way then.’

Me: ‘Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?’

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in..

Guard: ‘Yeah, Mike, what’s up?’

Manager (whispering): ‘This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money..’

Guard: ‘No kidding! What?’

Manager: ‘Get this. A two dollar bill.’

Guard (incredulous): ‘Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?’

Manager: ‘I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.’

Guard: ‘Oh, so the fifty’s fake!’

Manager: ‘No, the two dollar bill is.’

Guard: ‘Why would he fake a two dollar bill?’

Manager : ‘I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?’

Guard: ‘Yeah.’

Security Guard walks over to me and……

Guard: ‘Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.’

Me: ‘Uh, no..’

Guard: ‘Lemme see ‘em.’

Me: ‘Why?’

Guard: ‘Do you want me to get the cops in here?’

At this point I am ready to say, ‘ Sure, please!’ but I want to eat, so I say , ‘I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, ‘Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?’

Manager: ‘It’s fake’

Guard: ‘It doesn’t look fake to me.’

Manager: ‘But it’s a two dollar bill.’

Guard: ‘Yeah? ‘

Manager: ‘Well, there’s no such thing, is there?’

The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too. Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.

Just think..those two will be voting soon


Recently overheard…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Aug 22, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time, Out and about

At work, as I was getting off the elevator I overheard this part of a conversation: “…so I took that one off and bought me a bigger one.”

At a diner during lunch last week, a waitress brought a plate of food to a couple of old ladies at the table behind me. Waitress: “Who got the beets?” Old lady: “She got the beets.” And I had to reply to my lunch companion: “She got the beets, she got the beets, YEAH, she got the beets!”

At a red light in Nashville last night, a couple of old black men were talking: “… and she’s got knots all over her face and still has those buck teeth…”


AdventureCon 2009

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Jun 23, 2009 in Entertainment, Out and about

A couple of weekends ago, Knoxville hosted yet another AdventureCon: a sci-fi, horror, comics… whatever… convention. I took a few photos and video on my little digital camera and got around to editing and posting on YouTube last night. Enjoy…



Cancer found behind eye…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Mar 5, 2009 in Out and about

2566_1030967260209_1406192065_30099088_1381235_n I took this photo of a note posted to a store entrance during lunch last week. If you look closely, the photo shows what seems to be a separate message written beneath this note… kind of like those old paintings you hear about that have been x-rayed to reveal a different painting beneath the surface. Yeah, kind of like that.

Well, anyhoo, best of luck to you, Bob!


In case you need one…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Jan 12, 2009 in Out and about

I was at a local Walgreens store and saw this sign posted…

We Sell Wheelchairs

You have to admit… it’s short, to the point, and informative.

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