1

In praise of the handicapped stall…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Sep 11, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time, Excellent Ideas, Uncategorized

I like using the handicapped stall in the restroom at work. It’s nice and roomy. I have this little cart that I wheel into the stall that contains all the supplies I need during restroom time such as: a little lap desk to place my lunch on, a heated footrest, a padded back rest with arms complete with cup holders, cappuccino maker, toaster oven, a cot to nap on, dartboard, a podium to practice my public speaking, TV set with built-in DVD player, various lotions and reading material… and of course, my imported toilet tissues. Sometimes my Spanish language instructor accompanies me.

I like to be comfortable and not rushed so that I am completely ready when The Moment arrives. My Spanish teacher is somewhat helpful during this event, but I don’t always understand her commands when she yells, “Empujar, gringo, empuje!” However, she is GREAT to work with afterward… so gentle… a real pro.

Anyhoo, I encourage you to explore the magic of a handicapped stall near you, whether it be at your office, church, or school. Trust me, when done right, it’s an experience you will never forget.

 
4

A parent’s worst nightmare…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Sep 9, 2009 in Gripes, In the News

Yesterday, our Muslim presidente’ had the nerve to actually speak to our American… AMERICAN… school children and corrupt their young souls with talk of “studying hard,” “staying in school,” “never giving up,” and other piles of verbal garbage. The infidel even told our precious children that the country needs their help and he was counting on them. Well, hahahahahahahahaha, we know what he REALLY is up to… HE WANTS TO ROUND UP ALL OUR CHILDREN AND EAT THEM TO SATISFY HIS CANNIBALISTIC HUNGER. HE WANTS TO DEEP FRY THEIR LITTLE BODIES AND DIP THEM IN HIS SPECIAL SOCIALIST SAUCE. I’VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, MR. BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, I WILL SEE TO IT THAT MY CHILDREN NEVER EXCEL AT ANYTHING JUST TO FOIL YOUR PLANS. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. I WIN.

Come out, come out, little ones, wherever you are...

Come out, come out, little ones, wherever you are...

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