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Now they’ve REALLY done it…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Mar 3, 2011 in A Total Waste of Time, In the News, Out and about

Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, has really crossed the line this time, viciously attacking one of our national treasures. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO AMERICA????????

Misguided child holding "God Hates Charlie Sheen" placard.

Misguided child holding "God Hates Charlie Sheen" placard.

 
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The First Thanksgiving

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Nov 24, 2010 in A Total Waste of Time, Holidays and Events

At Thanksgiving time, it’s easy to take everything for granted and forget the true meaning of the holiday. We should take the time to revisit the original Thanksgiving dinner that occurred 7,000 years ago on a cold July morning when Jesus and the Pilgrims came to America on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Mother Theresa. Picture yourself as one of the Pilgrims starting a new life in a brand new land full of half-dressed Indians sitting down to have fellowship with one another and giving Thanks for all your blessings and casino winnings. I can picture the first Thanksgiving turkey being brought to the table as Jesus made water from the corn the Indians brought and then made wine from the water that He made from the corn. The Three Wise Men arrived with gifts of gold, frankensence, and stuffing. And the Little Drummer Boy was there too, asking for the turkey leg, which is how the “drumstick” got its name. As evening came to pass on that first Thanksgiving Day, Abraham Lincoln cut down a cherry tree and used it in a bonfire for everyone to roast marshmallows around as young Thomas Edison and his band of pirates told holy ghost stories to the elves… just before everyone opened their Thanksgiving presents. Oh, what a magical day that must have been! So, as you enjoy Thanksgiving with your loved ones this year, remember that first historical dinner and be thankful with thanks. Thank you.

 
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Sandra Bullock has lost her mind…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on May 4, 2010 in A Total Waste of Time, Entertainment, In the News

I saw this magazine as I was going through the Wal-Mart checkout this evening…

meet_my_baby

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

 
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Mystery solved.

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Feb 5, 2010 in A Total Waste of Time, Entertainment

Ever wonder what the clown is doing in the Jack-in-the-Box before he springs out?

doodie
doodie.com

(Courtesy of doodie.com… and this is one of the cleanest animations found on the site)

 
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Lessons learned…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Dec 14, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time

This morning, I woke up, rolled over and punched my girlfriend in the chest. She screamed “What the &%$@ did you do THAT for??!!?” I calmly replied, “The way I figure it, now you have the worst part of the day already over with.”

That’s the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital this afternoon. The doctors say I can go home in a month after the swelling goes down and the casts come off.

 
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Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Nov 25, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time, Holidays and Events

Happy Thanksgiving from your friends at The Wonderful World of Longmire!

Happy Thanksgiving!

 
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In praise of the handicapped stall…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Sep 11, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time, Excellent Ideas, Uncategorized

I like using the handicapped stall in the restroom at work. It’s nice and roomy. I have this little cart that I wheel into the stall that contains all the supplies I need during restroom time such as: a little lap desk to place my lunch on, a heated footrest, a padded back rest with arms complete with cup holders, cappuccino maker, toaster oven, a cot to nap on, dartboard, a podium to practice my public speaking, TV set with built-in DVD player, various lotions and reading material… and of course, my imported toilet tissues. Sometimes my Spanish language instructor accompanies me.

I like to be comfortable and not rushed so that I am completely ready when The Moment arrives. My Spanish teacher is somewhat helpful during this event, but I don’t always understand her commands when she yells, “Empujar, gringo, empuje!” However, she is GREAT to work with afterward… so gentle… a real pro.

Anyhoo, I encourage you to explore the magic of a handicapped stall near you, whether it be at your office, church, or school. Trust me, when done right, it’s an experience you will never forget.

 
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You might want to skip reading this…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Aug 24, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time

Today, a coworker fell ill and threw up the head of a large praying mantis. We all asked him why he ate a praying mantis head and he replied, “You’re supposed to rip the head off and eat it after mating!”

 
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Recently overheard…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Aug 22, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time, Out and about

At work, as I was getting off the elevator I overheard this part of a conversation: “…so I took that one off and bought me a bigger one.”

At a diner during lunch last week, a waitress brought a plate of food to a couple of old ladies at the table behind me. Waitress: “Who got the beets?” Old lady: “She got the beets.” And I had to reply to my lunch companion: “She got the beets, she got the beets, YEAH, she got the beets!”

At a red light in Nashville last night, a couple of old black men were talking: “… and she’s got knots all over her face and still has those buck teeth…”

 
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Six times your pleasure…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Aug 3, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time, Excellent Ideas

Six of me. Hanging out. Deal with it, people…

Multi-Marks

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