STUFF I’M GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT WHETHER YOU WANT TO HEAR IT OR NOT
Ever wonder what the clown is doing in the Jack-in-the-Box before he springs out?
(Courtesy of doodie.com… and this is one of the cleanest animations found on the site)
A friend passed this story on to me. It’s a true story experienced by a Mr. Steve Hillenbrand of Knoxville.
Enjoy…
The $2.00 Bill I Tried to Spend
Everyone should start carrying $2 bills! I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn’t even know they exist.
STORY:
On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.
Me: ‘Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.’
Server: ‘That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?’
Me: ‘No, it’s to go.’ At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.
Server: ‘Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.’
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:
Server: ‘Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?’
Manager : ‘No. A what?’
Server: ‘A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me..’
Manager: ‘Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.’
Server: ‘Yeah, thought so.’ He comes back to me and says, ‘We don’t take these. Do you have anything else?’
Me : ‘Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why?’
Server: ‘I don’t know.’
Me: ‘See here where it says legal tender?’
Server: ‘Yeah.’
Me: ‘So, why won’t you take it?’
Server: ‘Well, hang on a sec.’
He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to
him, ‘He says I have to take it…’
Manager: ‘Doesn’t he have anything else?’
Server: ‘Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change
Manager: ‘I’m not opening the safe with him in here.’
Server: ‘What should I do?’
Manager: ‘Tell him to come back later when he has real money.’
Server : ‘I can’t tell him that! You tell him.’
Manager: ‘Just tell him.’
Server: ‘No way! This is weird. I’m going in back.
The manager approaches me and says, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.’
Me: ‘It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.’
Manager: ‘We don’t take those, either.’
Me: ‘Why not?’
Manager: ‘I think you know why..’
Me: ‘No really, tell me why.’
Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’
Me: ‘Excuse me?’
Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’
Me: ‘What on earth for?’
Manager: ‘Please, sir.’
Me: ‘Uh, go ahead, call them.’
Manager: ‘Would you please just leave?’
Me: ‘No.’
Manager: ‘Fine — have it your way then.’
Me: ‘Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?’
At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in..
Guard: ‘Yeah, Mike, what’s up?’
Manager (whispering): ‘This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money..’
Guard: ‘No kidding! What?’
Manager: ‘Get this. A two dollar bill.’
Guard (incredulous): ‘Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?’
Manager: ‘I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.’
Guard: ‘Oh, so the fifty’s fake!’
Manager: ‘No, the two dollar bill is.’
Guard: ‘Why would he fake a two dollar bill?’
Manager : ‘I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?’
Guard: ‘Yeah.’
Security Guard walks over to me and……
Guard: ‘Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.’
Me: ‘Uh, no..’
Guard: ‘Lemme see ‘em.’
Me: ‘Why?’
Guard: ‘Do you want me to get the cops in here?’
At this point I am ready to say, ‘ Sure, please!’ but I want to eat, so I say , ‘I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, ‘Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?’
Manager: ‘It’s fake’
Guard: ‘It doesn’t look fake to me.’
Manager: ‘But it’s a two dollar bill.’
Guard: ‘Yeah? ‘
Manager: ‘Well, there’s no such thing, is there?’
The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too. Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.
Just think..those two will be voting soon
….YIKES!!!
Season Greetings from The Wonderful World of Longmire. I hope you have a great day today!
This morning, I woke up, rolled over and punched my girlfriend in the chest. She screamed “What the &%$@ did you do THAT for??!!?” I calmly replied, “The way I figure it, now you have the worst part of the day already over with.”
That’s the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital this afternoon. The doctors say I can go home in a month after the swelling goes down and the casts come off.
This new Xbox 360 game is sure to be the must-have gift of the season!
New from EA Sports... Tiger Woods Driveway Challenge!
Happy Thanksgiving from your friends at The Wonderful World of Longmire!
Due to circumstances beyond their control, NASA is forced to cancel the launch of the Ares I-X rocket for the second day in a row.
Launch of Ares I-X postponed
I saw Zombieland at the movies this evening. It’s been out almost a month, and this was Monday, so as it turned out I was the only one in the theater. And, I had to silence my cell phone so I wouldn’t disturb myself.
Anyhoo, like Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland is a fun zombie movie and I really liked it, especially its likable characters… namely, Woody Harrelson’s character. I also liked the use of super slow motion and credit graphics at the start.
Movies that deal with surviving the end of human civilization, like The Omega Man, 28 Weeks Later, etc., have always appealed to me. I think I like this theme probably because of the population drop, the total freedom and lack of rules, and access to places and possessions usually unattainable in normal life. But, the downside is the eventual scarcity of food and power… and, of course, the constant threat of zombies. It’s a nice fantasy, though.
I like using the handicapped stall in the restroom at work. It’s nice and roomy. I have this little cart that I wheel into the stall that contains all the supplies I need during restroom time such as: a little lap desk to place my lunch on, a heated footrest, a padded back rest with arms complete with cup holders, cappuccino maker, toaster oven, a cot to nap on, dartboard, a podium to practice my public speaking, TV set with built-in DVD player, various lotions and reading material… and of course, my imported toilet tissues. Sometimes my Spanish language instructor accompanies me.
I like to be comfortable and not rushed so that I am completely ready when The Moment arrives. My Spanish teacher is somewhat helpful during this event, but I don’t always understand her commands when she yells, “Empujar, gringo, empuje!” However, she is GREAT to work with afterward… so gentle… a real pro.
Anyhoo, I encourage you to explore the magic of a handicapped stall near you, whether it be at your office, church, or school. Trust me, when done right, it’s an experience you will never forget.
Yesterday, our Muslim presidente’ had the nerve to actually speak to our American… AMERICAN… school children and corrupt their young souls with talk of “studying hard,” “staying in school,” “never giving up,” and other piles of verbal garbage. The infidel even told our precious children that the country needs their help and he was counting on them. Well, hahahahahahahahaha, we know what he REALLY is up to… HE WANTS TO ROUND UP ALL OUR CHILDREN AND EAT THEM TO SATISFY HIS CANNIBALISTIC HUNGER. HE WANTS TO DEEP FRY THEIR LITTLE BODIES AND DIP THEM IN HIS SPECIAL SOCIALIST SAUCE. I’VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, MR. BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, I WILL SEE TO IT THAT MY CHILDREN NEVER EXCEL AT ANYTHING JUST TO FOIL YOUR PLANS. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. I WIN.
Come out, come out, little ones, wherever you are...
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