Now they’ve REALLY done it…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Mar 3, 2011 in A Total Waste of Time, In the News, Out and about

Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, has really crossed the line this time, viciously attacking one of our national treasures. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO AMERICA????????

Misguided child holding "God Hates Charlie Sheen" placard.

Misguided child holding "God Hates Charlie Sheen" placard.


The First Thanksgiving

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Nov 24, 2010 in A Total Waste of Time, Holidays and Events

At Thanksgiving time, it’s easy to take everything for granted and forget the true meaning of the holiday. We should take the time to revisit the original Thanksgiving dinner that occurred 7,000 years ago on a cold July morning when Jesus and the Pilgrims came to America on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Mother Theresa. Picture yourself as one of the Pilgrims starting a new life in a brand new land full of half-dressed Indians sitting down to have fellowship with one another and giving Thanks for all your blessings and casino winnings. I can picture the first Thanksgiving turkey being brought to the table as Jesus made water from the corn the Indians brought and then made wine from the water that He made from the corn. The Three Wise Men arrived with gifts of gold, frankensence, and stuffing. And the Little Drummer Boy was there too, asking for the turkey leg, which is how the “drumstick” got its name. As evening came to pass on that first Thanksgiving Day, Abraham Lincoln cut down a cherry tree and used it in a bonfire for everyone to roast marshmallows around as young Thomas Edison and his band of pirates told holy ghost stories to the elves… just before everyone opened their Thanksgiving presents. Oh, what a magical day that must have been! So, as you enjoy Thanksgiving with your loved ones this year, remember that first historical dinner and be thankful with thanks. Thank you.


Sandra Bullock has lost her mind…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on May 4, 2010 in A Total Waste of Time, Entertainment, In the News

I saw this magazine as I was going through the Wal-Mart checkout this evening…


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Mystery solved.

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Feb 5, 2010 in A Total Waste of Time, Entertainment

Ever wonder what the clown is doing in the Jack-in-the-Box before he springs out?


(Courtesy of doodie.com… and this is one of the cleanest animations found on the site)


The new generation of geniuses…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Feb 1, 2010 in Excellent Ideas, Out and about

A friend passed this story on to me. It’s a true story experienced by a Mr. Steve Hillenbrand of Knoxville.


The $2.00 Bill I Tried to Spend

Everyone should start carrying $2 bills! I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn’t even know they exist.

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: ‘Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.’

Server: ‘That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?’

Me: ‘No, it’s to go.’ At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: ‘Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.’

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: ‘Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?’

Manager : ‘No. A what?’

Server: ‘A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me..’

Manager: ‘Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.’

Server: ‘Yeah, thought so.’ He comes back to me and says, ‘We don’t take these. Do you have anything else?’

Me : ‘Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why?’

Server: ‘I don’t know.’

Me: ‘See here where it says legal tender?’

Server: ‘Yeah.’

Me: ‘So, why won’t you take it?’

Server: ‘Well, hang on a sec.’

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to
him, ‘He says I have to take it…’

Manager: ‘Doesn’t he have anything else?’

Server: ‘Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change

Manager: ‘I’m not opening the safe with him in here.’

Server: ‘What should I do?’

Manager: ‘Tell him to come back later when he has real money.’

Server : ‘I can’t tell him that! You tell him.’

Manager: ‘Just tell him.’

Server: ‘No way! This is weird. I’m going in back.

The manager approaches me and says, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.’

Me: ‘It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.’

Manager: ‘We don’t take those, either.’

Me: ‘Why not?’

Manager: ‘I think you know why..’

Me: ‘No really, tell me why.’

Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’

Me: ‘Excuse me?’

Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’

Me: ‘What on earth for?’

Manager: ‘Please, sir.’

Me: ‘Uh, go ahead, call them.’

Manager: ‘Would you please just leave?’

Me: ‘No.’

Manager: ‘Fine — have it your way then.’

Me: ‘Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?’

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in..

Guard: ‘Yeah, Mike, what’s up?’

Manager (whispering): ‘This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money..’

Guard: ‘No kidding! What?’

Manager: ‘Get this. A two dollar bill.’

Guard (incredulous): ‘Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?’

Manager: ‘I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.’

Guard: ‘Oh, so the fifty’s fake!’

Manager: ‘No, the two dollar bill is.’

Guard: ‘Why would he fake a two dollar bill?’

Manager : ‘I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?’

Guard: ‘Yeah.’

Security Guard walks over to me and……

Guard: ‘Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.’

Me: ‘Uh, no..’

Guard: ‘Lemme see ‘em.’

Me: ‘Why?’

Guard: ‘Do you want me to get the cops in here?’

At this point I am ready to say, ‘ Sure, please!’ but I want to eat, so I say , ‘I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, ‘Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?’

Manager: ‘It’s fake’

Guard: ‘It doesn’t look fake to me.’

Manager: ‘But it’s a two dollar bill.’

Guard: ‘Yeah? ‘

Manager: ‘Well, there’s no such thing, is there?’

The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too. Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.

Just think..those two will be voting soon


Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Dec 25, 2009 in Holidays and Events

Season Greetings from The Wonderful World of Longmire. I hope you have a great day today!


Lessons learned…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Dec 14, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time

This morning, I woke up, rolled over and punched my girlfriend in the chest. She screamed “What the &%$@ did you do THAT for??!!?” I calmly replied, “The way I figure it, now you have the worst part of the day already over with.”

That’s the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital this afternoon. The doctors say I can go home in a month after the swelling goes down and the casts come off.


Just in time for Christmas…

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Dec 2, 2009 in Entertainment, Excellent Ideas, Holidays and Events, In the News

This new Xbox 360 game is sure to be the must-have gift of the season!

New from EA Sports... Tiger Woods Driveway Challenge!

New from EA Sports... Tiger Woods Driveway Challenge!


Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Nov 25, 2009 in A Total Waste of Time, Holidays and Events

Happy Thanksgiving from your friends at The Wonderful World of Longmire!

Happy Thanksgiving!


NASA scrubs Ares I-X launch again

Posted by Mr. Longmire on Oct 28, 2009 in In the News

Due to circumstances beyond their control, NASA is forced to cancel the launch of the Ares I-X rocket for the second day in a row.

Launch of Ares I-X postponed

Launch of Ares I-X postponed

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